Wank Bank Deposits

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A few weeks ago, I stumbled across a Tumblr feed that fed into my most deviant and dark places. To be honest, it scared me a little. It was the visual representation of so much that I’d fantasised about over the years.

In every day life, I micro-manage and am a control freak but in my fantasies, I like that forcefully taken from me. They’ve never featured sex, always control. And in my kink life, I love the struggle, the feeling of being overpowered and subdued.

I don’t like to be feel I can escape. I want to give in to the moment but I’ll test my restraints until I know I can’t go anywhere. When I think I can get out, I focus on that.

In the dark recesses of my head, when I’m lost in my own world, the restraints are immovable and there’s no escape.

I’ll be pushed and pulled around and none of it will be by choice. There may be people talking about me like I’m not there, telling each other what they’re going to do to me, calling me all names under the sun. And I can’t do anything about it.

Sometimes they hurt me. Belts, canes, spanking, clamps.

Sensory deprivation. Gags are problematic in real life but in my head, I’m forceably silenced. There’s blindfolds and hoods and nowhere to go, nowhere to run.

In real life there are times I just want to play. It’s not always about sex and fucking and orgasms. It’s something different, hitting the satisfying spots in a different way.

And then I found this particular bondage on Tumblr, complete with video clips. And it was nothing to do with sex and everything to do with restraint and control and fuck me, I was mesmerised. Clingfilm. Palletwrap. Electrical tape. Some of the clips were just focussed on faces, others on the full bodies. None of it was pretty or aesthetically pleasing but it was all totally, utterly compelling.

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6 thoughts on “Wank Bank Deposits

  1. Tumblr and Literotica were two spaces where I let myself go down deep into my own darkest fantasies. While they were, for me, things I’d never do, I felt safe to explore and in the process, feel safer pushing myself – even if I never get to that deep, dark place (and I’m not sure I even want to).

    1. Oh gosh yes, Literotica too. I think the difference is that words do things to me but seeing things is on a whole different level. Knowing that these things weren’t just talked/fantasised about, but done … it had quite a psychological effect.

  2. I think we have much in common when it comes to the submissive part of our kink. My fantasies are often very non-con focused and like you I love knowing that I have no choice and I will test repeatedly to make sure that is true. As for the specific tumblr you found it doesn’t sound like my thing but like you have often stumbled across things that when described to me I would have said were not my thing but when I see them I find myself mesmerized. I am happy to admit that Tumblr is my ‘guilty’ pleasure.

    Mollyx

    1. Tumblr scares the crap out of me at times to be honest. Stuff that is so far from my comfort zone, yet… yet… there’ll be something that makes me respond so viscerally. And it’s a very safe way to vicariously explore my darker fantasies. (Shame that the hashtags that look so promising now appear to be strictly regulated and I get no results from searching. Unless I need to change get my settings, perhaps…)

    1. Tumblr is increasingly difficult to find stuff on as they seem to be locking it down ever faster, but I still find certain GIFs and videos that um, “help”, my brain…

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