Names and Titles

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Names and titles are fluid for me. I’m in a relationship where we’ve tried various dynamics, none of which have ever fully worked out or felt quite right. So I think in terms of how I define myself instead. And I identify in various proportions, at different times, as a variety of labels.

I’m definitely a masochist, and whilst some would describe me as a brat, I prefer to call it mischievous! In my relationship, I’m the bottom to his top, but I also have submissive tendencies. And as my blog title suggests, there’s an element of kitty. I used to think little, but perhaps that’s just another way of my mischief breaking through. And adding to that, I do like being looked after and given guidelines, which equally could be my submissive side…

These labels generally help me work out who I am and help me understand myself, as well as understand who I am in relation to other people. Yet they’re also restricting. I also know I’m heterosexual, for example, but that doesn’t mean I’m not occasionally attracted to people of genders other than my own cis-gendered female one. There are people who will take one look at the het label but if they were to say “I’m not interested because you’re het,” I guess it means they’re not the right person for me, and moreover, probably need to look pretty hard at themselves.

I guess that defining myself as any of these things, excludes other possibilities but in some regards that works. I know I’ll never be a switch or a top and that I’ll always be turned on by pain and control; that’s all a given. But if I meet someone who gets turned off by the term ‘brat’ or ‘masochist’ etc… without ever scratching the surface of what it means to me, we both might miss out on something great.

Then again, if someone’s not prepared to get to know me or just wants to use me for quick gratification, they’re not going to get very far with me either. I learnt that the hard way.

And as far as being called things in a scene, I get off on the verbal humiliation of mysogynistic words like ‘slut’ and ‘whore’. I like being told that I’m a ‘fucktoy’ and that I’ll be used. But I also like other, positive, words too and they’re the ones that break me because I find it easier to be called awful things than hear that I’m beautiful or sexy. The word that seems to come up most is brat, but there probably is a reason for that; my mouth just doesn’t know when to stop and I end up creating more trouble for myself.

I don’t have a title or name for TSH. Because we never have worked out a stable dynamic, it’s something that’s fallen by the wayside. In the past, the one that caused the biggest visceral reaction over the longest time was ‘Sir’ and I guess that was my inner submissive talking.

The other aspect of me with names and titles is who I don’t identify as and this extends to all aspects of my life. Much to my family’s upset, I’m not ladylike and always refer to myself as ‘girl’ not ‘woman’. I’m not defined by my marital status. Calling me “Mrs…” just perpetuates patriarchal bullshit and makes me feel that I’m not a human being in my own right. Someone online, who has been very lovely on my blog and Twitter, has called me “Ma’am” and whilst I understand why, it doesn’t feel they’re talking to me either – almost like I’m looking over my shoulder to see who they’re referring to!

Names, titles, labels, words… they all have power.

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14 thoughts on “Names and Titles

    1. I know in fantasy fiction and mythology there’s the idea that if someone knows your true name they hold power over you, and I do think there’s certainly an element of that when it comes to reality.

  1. Heh, I have probably called you ma’am in a comment here. It’s my default term and reflects my subby deference.

    Out of a matter of interest, which honorific/title/name do you prefer we use when we interact?

    1. Yup, it was you 😉

      And I can’t genuinely answer you, as this blog is anonymous so I’ve not thought about it. I sign emails off as WK for stuff but that’s as far as I’ve got…

  2. It’s funny how we get hung up on words and labels sometimes, allowing them to limit our thinking. I had a sex chat with a Facebook stranger many many years ago (the early Wild West days of FB) and we got very hot and steamy i.e. X-rated dirty talk. But then when I used the ‘C’ word instead of ‘pussy’ she went absolutely batshit crazy and terminated the chat (after telling me that was such an offensive word). Which is fine because we all have our limits, but I would have preferred to have found that out prior to our sex chat.
    The point being: communication is key in everything.

    1. Years ago, I reacted in the same way but that was an initial conversation and I’ve changed a lot since. I’d add that context is as key as communication but you are absolutely right.

  3. I have labels for myself too, but I don’t want to be restricted inside the labels. I want to be able to explore. Let’s say the lines around the labels are vague and fluid. Like you said: “Names, titles, labels, words… they all have power.”

    Rebel xox

    1. Words do have power, to both liberate and restrict. I’m very aware of the restriction aspect after experiences in the past year. I do think they’re helpful in that I’ll never be a switch or top/Domme for example, but otherwise they could rule out amazing possibilities…

  4. I think you are right about their power, but then words in general are so powerful although we often dismiss them.

    Mollyxx

    Ps.. I have added this into the KOTW page for you

    1. Words are a huge trigger for me. And I think part of it is that it takes so much to slow my brain down, that I have to be present for words to have their effect. Words working = more relaxed me.

      And thank you, the link up was closed by the time I remembered!

    1. They’re a useful tool but society does love a good label and to other, based on those labels and individual people get sucked into that far too easily 🙁

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