Since starting this blog, my life has been a series of revolving doors. Realising I’m polyamorous. Redefining my sexuality. Going through a break up and make up. Losing people from my life and understanding the role they played. Finding new friends, remaking old ones, and finding out who’s got my back. TSH and I uprooting our entire life. My mental health. Going round in circles, revisiting old ground to find new perspectives… It’s all been a huge headfuck.
TSH and I are now at the penultimate stage of the biggest change we’re making, and are stuck in a limbo state. For all sorts of issues. One of the big ones is where we stand in terms of polyamory/non-monogamy. We’ve discussed what we want, read lots of articles on the internet (I like Polyland, for articles like this one) and books, such as ‘The Ethical Slut‘ and ‘More than Two.’ But it’s currently all theory. And when things actually happen, it’ll all change.
We’re going to be living in different cities for a while and we both understand our needs and desires differ from ‘the norm.’ We’re in a monogamous relationship at present. Partly due to circumstance, and partly because life’s been so complex. We agreed to put things on hold until we were in a better position to support each other. So until either one of us meets someone else, we’re running on best guess and postulation.
It’s a difficult position to be in. I want to be more open about who I am, and poly will be easier to digest than kink, I feel, for my conservative family. As in, I will never discuss the kink side with them, but if I meet someone, I have to think about the implications of that. TSH has to be ready too. We have to show a united front and be there for each other, something we’ll need to communicate on.
With this particular issue, we’re doing that thing where you never enter or exit the building. Just keep on going round in the door.
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