Activity vs Identity

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I had some amazing, insightful and thoughtful comments about my switching post the other day, both on this website and on social media.

Several people helped me think about what happened in a slightly different light and it’s very much helped my head to settle.

KP talked about the “thrill of control” in the moment, but that it didn’t make him question his identity. Hearing I’m not the only one truly helped. (I know I’m not, but hearing it from other people makes a big difference.)

Indigo Byrd suggested “I think it’s about the relationship as a separate entity not about the people involved.” That made me stop and think. She’s right… get two people together and they have a synergistic energy that creates the relationship. Those two people, if involved with different partners will create a different relationship. And that means it’s not about the people. It doesn’t change who they are.

Mrs Fever had a lot of great feedback for me, clarifying other comments and adding her own experience. I ‘borrowed’ one of her lines for the title of this post… “[] Perhaps what you’re experiencing with your new partner is similar. Activity versus Identity.” She’s exactly right. (And her apple spice bread recipe is definitely on my list of things to bake!!!)

And Modesty Ablaze had some useful feedback about the moment itself: “I just look at those moments . . . when events take you to new places and new emotions . . . as sensations to enjoy for the moments they are.” I did enjoy the moment. But the second it was over, a switch flicked in my head and this huge sense of unease settled, which swamped the enjoyment itself. Modesty’s comment has helped me to regain a more positive perspective on the experience.

This community is amazing <3

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2 thoughts on “Activity vs Identity

  1. I’m glad everyone has engaged with you positively on this – far flung fellow travellers can really help you feel you’re not on your own. xx

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