Rewind

Wriggly Kitty Header: Mewsings

If I could rewind time, I’d take it to early July, 2016. Before my former best friend ploughed through the pretence I’d (un)happily made. Before everything changed beyond all recognition, with no going back…

I was at an agreed impasse with TSH. We were having hot kinky sex, pretending it was D/s and whilst it wasn’t what I needed, it was enough. I could live with it. It was better than anything I’d had before. We’d been on the rollercoaster of false promises, but what we were doing was such that I could fool myself and it was okay. She put paid to that, and ignorance was no longer an excuse… Hit a different button…

Forward to a month or so ago… Perhaps it was whilst I’d not spent face to face time with Mr Biter, a lot more recently. His initial actions, and words on messaging told me who he was, and it tapped into a part of me that scratched a particular itch. We played online, and everything felt right. But then he’s not that in real life, so I couldn’t fool myself. Yes, I’d rewind to the time we were messaging, before we physically explored.

No, wait.

I’d rewind till just before I slept with another woman as part of a threesome with TSH. The sex was between them; I was the bottom in all ways. The one who was kissed but not fucked. The one who was spanked and paddled, but never orgasmed. The reality was amazing, but left me with so many unanswered questions.

Or after that, she and I played. We’d agreed that it would be impact play and nothing else. But I wasn’t prepared to be tied down and for her to tell me my pussy smelt amazing. That’s haunted me ever since. She didn’t do anything, as in her words “I identify as heterosexual.” But I don’t think that’s the full story. I was used.

So I’ll erase that and go further back…

The whole kink thing has never worked. Perhaps I’d take it back to being stable, and staid, and boring, and celibate with my ex. I mastered the three minute wank whilst he showered. I lived out my fantasies, safely, vicariously, in my head. That was okay, wasn’t it?

Hang on, I’d rewind much further back… The celibacy pissed me off. I could come easily when we did fuck, that once-a-month-if-I-was-lucky occurrence. My sex drive was higher than that. Perhaps I need to go further into my past…

Vanilla… boring… glimpse of kink… frustrated fucking… empty orgasms… yeah. Let’s go even further…

Sixteen. Exploring my body. Taken advantage of… no, rewind…

Watching television… Robin Hood, a particular Home and Away episode, one of those Disney Friday afternoon movies when I was six, all of the things that made me feel… different…

No… further…

No. It doesn’t work. I’m wired this way. There’s no escape.


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One thought on “Rewind

  1. you are a delightfully intriguing young lady, we certainly need to know more about you and your body
    it will be interesting to hear your exploits once you meet a person – male or female that really puts you through your paces and expands your horizons, tests your limits, and expands and develops them – i think you have a long and interesting journey to travel and i am sure we will all read avidly as you progress your way down the road.
    very best wishes

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