I no longer derive my sense of self-worth through others’ eyes. That time is gone. I am enough. I may still not see myself through the eyes of others; that day is coming. I am enough.
This weeks entry for Sinful Sunday is inspired by the glorious Fire and Honey… her boobday photo and accompanying comments inspired this shot.
My ex-husband used to say, “any more than a handful is a waste.” I was two and half stone lighter, and my then-much-smaller boobs fitted nicely into his large hands. Yet, he’d stroke and caress them despite my encouragement for rougher play, and my physical intolerance to light touch that he never understood. So, I retreated inwardly to a world where they were grabbed and slapped instead. We weren’t enough for each other.
And when TSH and I got together, I knew I had to put everything on the line. Vanilla was not enough. I was not able to be enough, feel enough, experience enough of the endorphin rush, the validation, the sheer satisfaction, that world of it being right.
Now, I know, and I was right. The kink helps me understand where I am in the world and keeps me grounded. I am enough.